Colors Forgotten

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I’ve wandered through this fog for a long time
because I thought it was a distraction
a blockage to this unrealistic desire for

acceptance

Continue reading “Colors Forgotten”

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There’s Nothing Else to Say

If I were to tell you my dream,
it’s really a dream within dreams.

You see

I see myself laying on the chest of another girl
as pretty as the sparkle in God’s eye

when He made the stars

simply insecure but I’m talking
about all the books I’ve read
while she caresses my hair

and I look forward to the pizza we’ll order later.

My dreams are vast and may seem pointless
because I’m living life mundane
with others who don’t overthink like I do

but welcome my running thoughts into their arms
all the same.

My religious heart is eager to talk all things God
with loved ones as we sip tea
and watch the rain punch cafe windows in the gut.

Because I have a lot of questions that I know
won’t exactly be answered until I’m face to face
with the One who knitted me together in the first place.

Though I want to ask Him why my life couldn’t just be like my dreams
because now it just seems like

reality is nothing else to say.

Reality is on the surface of media where overthinking
is an eternal feed and even my mind
in all it’s in depth insecurities and assured brilliance
can’t take it in any longer

because now since all these thoughts are out there
I know what everyone is thinking
and my insecurities are now sure of what people think of me

and the devil is happy

because now his right hand man, depression
is all consuming and I can’t see God anymore
because I know what everyone is thinking

and there’s nothing else to say

no point in adventures
no point in exploration of how much love we can give
there’s just these mirrors

constantly reflecting ourselves

we see just ourselves
and there’s nothing else to see
nothing else to do

there’s nothing else to say

just an emptiness that will eat and eat and eat
until it’s satisfied
until there’s nothing else.

Fearfully Fearsome


I’m laying in bed
wishing I could pray

like a good Christian

but I’m tearing my ear drums
apart with music, away from reality 

because I’m afraid

I’m scared of anything
and all things

that bang against
the veins of my heart

jolting fear all through me
and I’m scared

because I don’t want it
to wound my soul

once again

I don’t want to be in this pattern
of wanting to be wind in shadows

of the valley of death

I want to live
without the jaws of fear

and the bars of anxiety

but I fear that it’s a life
I’ll never know.